i was just showing my mom how to paste something into her text message on her phone and i was like “double tap in the the text box” “the text box” “the text box” and she was just pointing to random places on her screen that weren’t the text box and all i could think of was
What they say to kids who want pets:Are you sure you're not just saying you want one because all your friends have one? Remember, it's not going to be small and cute forever, it will grow up eventually! It's a living being that will depend entirely on you for the rest of its life. Are you really sure you're ready for this?
What they say to adults who DON'T want kids:Oh, you'll want one sooner or later. Everybody does, after all. Besides, babies are soooo cute, aren't they? You'd better hurry up before you get too old!
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
if there were only girls everywhere everything would be so easy and pleasant. I could walk my dog at 3am and probably get a juice cos juice bars would be open cos all girls would take their dogs on night walks it would be like a normal thing